Saturday, April 25, 2009


My stepfather-in-law is back from the hospital. But things are not looking too great. His heart isn't beating normally- sometimes it skips a beat or two. So need to go for a check up next week to see whether he can undergo a surgery for a 'pacemaker' to correct the beating pace of his heart. If the doctors think that it is a risk and won't operate on him then, I was told that, it may mean that he may not live too long. Although I've only known him personally only for 3 years, I feel so sad thinking about it. In my heart I pray that he would manage to go through this again. But as I have mentioned before, the doctor predicted he would live at least until last year 2008. It is already a blessing that he could break the prediction. But all we can do now is keep our hopes high and brace ourselves for what ever news we may get.

Sometimes when I looked at my stepfather-in-law, I wonder what he was thinking when he looked at Bonnie. He really loves Bonnie. To think that you love a child so much and knowing that you will never be able to see her grow up, it saddens me. Somewhat the same sort of sadness I feel when I think about my late mother who is never to see my child/children. I definitely wish that I'd be given the opportunity to see my daughter grow up to be a happy, healthy young woman and be there when she needs me.

Thinking of death, it humbles me. No matter how rich, poor, sad or happy one is, we all will go through it some day. It is a matter of how and when. Perhaps it is just the unknown that I am scared of. Scared for not knowing how it would be and what it would be like to be dead. I think perhaps when it comes to death, we all, somewhat share the same feeling.

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