Saturday, February 20, 2016

Troubled emotions.

According to my nifty wordweb pc dictionary, "Emotions" means Any strong feeling. At the moment my emotions are a bit troubled. Strong feeling of troubledness. If there is such a way of expressing it. At this moment in my life, I've never worked harder than now to better myself, I wake up 4:30 or 5:00 every morning, to pray, meditate and learn/study. Weekdays go to work... weekends house chores... yet I feel like I'm heading nowhere - tiredness,no acknowledgement nor appreciation. Life can be such a bummer. Some days, I would just ride the emotions, go to sleep, read or watch something to make me forget. Other days I would rise up against the feeling and say 'fuck you!! go away!!' - sometimes it would work as the anger for feeling weak and pathetic would get bigger than the feeling of weak and pathetic. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I do wonder if I take a knife and slit it down my skin, would the pain in my heart flow out through it so I don't feel the pain no longer? Guess I'm not brave enough to check out. Such troubled emotions....

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